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Letting go...

Feb. 5th, 2009 | 10:20 am
location: work...for now
mood: sad and confused

I am letting go...

of all that is destructive, all that is hurtful...
Sad beyond comparison...
Hurt beyond reason...
Betrayed beyond understanding.

A piece is breaking...
I am giving in to nothingness.
When all that is left has failed me...
It is time to say...goodbye.

My mind is a torrentious current...
I beg it to stop...but it won't.
I plead with it to stop...but it's unlistening.
I pray for it to stop...but it's unanswered.

Time after time I gave in...
I can't take it any more.
Stress and heartache have become my new companions...
Living like this is a lie.

The pain in my heart is unbearable...
It tortures every part of me.
What is broken can't unbreak...
All that was this has ended.

What is lost is not truly lost...
You can't loose what was never truly had...
So goodbye to all that this was...
And hello to a new tomorrow.

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Some writing I found from last year...

Mar. 1st, 2008 | 12:53 am
location: home
mood: boredbored
music: Settlin'-Sugarland

These are some random thoughts of mine from last year when life kinda sucked for me...It's some short free write that I converted to short poems...I figured might as well start my journal with those, and whatever others I find...

The Inside out~
I am trapped in a hell
All it's own...
There's nowhere to run,
Nothing to call my own...
Misery has become
a good friend of mine...
I need a release,
I need to unwind...
My body, my mind,
and all of my being
hurts from the inside out
and prevents me from seeing
The light through the darkness...

I know it will be better
I know it will all be well,
But time feels as though
it is at a standstill...
I push myself through
every inch of my day
wishing all the time
to get far and away
from this un-wrenching sadness...



Silence~
There is a deafening silence all around me
yet I am surrounded by masses...
It's sweet stillness overwhelms me,
It may be more than I can bear...

It's tortuously wonderful
yet astoundingly sweet...
To hear nothing, nothing at all,
Only the sound of my trembling heart beat...



Away~
Why do I feel so empty, so sick,
So disgusted with everything...
It feels like it is all just descending...
I'm back in a place
That's so desperately sickening
All that is me just wants
To scream,
To get away,
To go away,
Away from this wretched hole of existence
and hide,
disappear
to where no one can find me
until I can escape
this twisted prison I'm in...



~Untitled~
I have no reason to hate,
No reason to loathe those around,
But lately I feel as if my heart
is crumbling into the ground...
I don't comprehend it for it is
sickeningly strange to me...
I am usually so happy,
so outgoing, so carefree...
I guess when in a whirlwind of change
I should be ready to rearrange
my thoughts, my emotions,
my desires, my compulsions...
What keeps me going
is I know soon it will all be alright...
I'm going to where my heart is,
where it shines oh so bright...
Everything once so dim there
now seems so vibrant...
The loud obnoxious cluster of people
now appear so silent...
It's funny how one never realizes
the true greatness they got
Until one steps away from it...
Amazing, absolutely amazing...

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So...

Mar. 1st, 2008 | 12:36 am
location: home
mood: restlessrestless
music: if you're going through hell-Rodney Atkins

so, this is livejournal...I have had an account for a while now but have never used it really except to view other's writing...I love to write, but have always used the more old school method of actually writing in a notebook...I have a myspace and I love it but there I feel I need to sensor my writing somewhat...I shouldn't feel that way, but I just do...Ah, well, I guess that's why I am now turning to good old livejounal to bury my deepest thoughts...

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Writer's Block: *blushes*

Feb. 27th, 2008 | 11:50 am
location: Reno
mood: exhaustedexhausted
music: Sugarland

What is the most common compliment you receive?
People tell me my personality is one of a kind...Physically I get complimented on my eyes and hair... :)

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